Many of the children we support have parents who are separated and living in different homes. When a relationship is breaking down, it can be an extremely difficult time for everyone involved; emotions are running high and there are so many feelings felt by everyone. I have worked with several children recently where the break-up has been new, and I have had conversations with parents about the impact of the situation on their children.
Life is not always easy, and life plans sometimes do not work out the way we had hoped or expected, but relationships break down for different reasons every single day. It does not mean the end of everything, but it does mean that change is coming. Any change can be difficult at first, but things often work out for the better and a new ‘normal’ emerges. Everyone can, and will, laugh and be happy again, but at the time of the separation, it can be hard to imagine.
Children who are involved in these situations do not generally have much of a say, and decisions are made that they do not like, do not want, and cannot control. This is difficult for them. There is a grieving process to go through where they need to be allowed to feel sad, scared, angry, relieved, and any other emotion that they encounter. They also need to know it is ok to be happy and to have fun with each parent when they spend time in different homes.
To help children make the adjustment to their new life, they need to know it is not their fault, and that they are still loved by both parents. They need their questions to be answered as honestly as is appropriate and they need to be allowed to be children. They do not need to carry the worry the anger, the sadness, and the bitterness that can come when a relationship ends.
Children need to know they are loved by both parents, and this will give them strength to deal with the difficult emotions. They also need to know it is ok to talk to a trusted adult about what they are going through. School staff are amazing at supporting children through difficult times, but to do this, children often need to be told that it is fine for them to talk to someone in school.
When a relationship is breaking down, and children are involved, try to protect them as much as possible – encourage them to talk their feelings out.
Reach Behaviour 